sigh. I relate. I'm told sometimes that my whole identity has coalesced around the self help aisle. Appreciate your call to the middle path way and I'm reflecting a bit on what that might look like for me.
Uthara, thank you for reading. I can totally relate to that. We get to decide what’s best for us and in my reflection, it felt like I reached a point where further self improvement might actually be keeping me away from feeling enough. And, you know, there seems to be a paradox to life: do the thing, but know when to not do the thing. I appreciate your sharing!
Meditation is self help . Looking within. Healthy way, not just the middle ground where you cannot feel or see another trying to tell you your way is wrong. Your experiences teach more than any self help books. I am dealing with a person, alcoholic that refuses to see themselves and destroys their life and inflicts suffering on others. Selfish, they will be in the gutter as their answers are in the genie bottle that is drained and fills them with monsters that lie cowering in dusty aisles afraid of being.
Richard, you’re so right. Meditation (a whole other newsletter!) is a great way to help ourselves. I’m curious about the style you practice? Thanks for reading!
Love this. There is absolutely nothing wrong with living in the self help aisle. "Personal Growth and Development" should be life long. Our souls are here to learn and constantly improve. I always have 1 novel and 1 PGD book on my nightstand. I meditate in the morning and before I go to sleep I fill my mind, soul and heart with words from a PGD book. I'm unsure of what you mean by "middle path."
Carissa, thanks for reading! I agree personal growth and development ought to be a lifelong exercise. When I say the middle path I’m thinking of how the solution (self improvement or PGD) can itself become a problem if I’m always trying to fix myself so that I can become perfect. I was in that place for sometime where I followed one book after the other. Adding meditation and reflection, and feeling enough has helped. Thanks as always for the great conversation!
Ha, yes, Kimberly, such a great title! I wrote this in an earlier comment but it was the case of the solution (self help books) creating a new problem (let me fix myself a little more today). Thanks, I appreciate you being here!
Oh yes, the self help section or aisle. When we owned our bookstore, we had a very comfortable Self Help section—that's where 2 of our 3 chairs were placed. It was at the back of the store (I have a photo somewhere) and people hung out there. Our store sold used and new, so when we went 'shopping' for books at garage sales, friends of the library sales, estate sales, we'd always make sure to buy a healthy # of self help. It was actually a great section I'm pleased to say, covering a couple decades of what was popular both then and now. A real potpourri. I think it's a great addition to genres, b/c it has wide berth--stretching from everything from Eckhart Tolle to Abraham Maslow to Don Miguel Ruiz' Four Agreements and Gail Sheehy. And so much more. I think they're an important part of life as there's a little something for everyone in them, if you look hard enough. An interesting post, Priya!
Not sure if I can find the self help section but I have others. Btw our store was FAR from cheesy. Both Paul and I are type A, we planned it for 3 years. I took class on opening a used book store at community college. We rented the space on town plaza square for 2, before we got there! And every single travel guide wrote us up as a must see. Plus we were largest Bi language bookstore from Mexico City to Guatemala!!!!!
Jeanine, I meant I wanted to write a cheesy book - full of the expected cliches of finding romance and love in a bookstore. Perhaps instead of cheesy I should say romcom!
Your bookstore sounds amazing and you’ve made me even more curious to see pictures!
Oh! That’d be fun! Bookstores are romantic and fun settings! Notting Hill, etc. I will send some photos though. The store was super cute. We sold and its still in business, since 1997!! ( sorry to misinterpret your idea)!!!!!
Oh great Priya. Mondays -especially mornings- are my busiest days and it seems everyone I subscribe to posts that day, so before I make a mad dash out the door, I try and read (and retain) as much from the newsletters as I can. I saw your comment and read while dashing down the stairs -- so mis read it - sorry! Anyway, I have grouped together some photos already and doing another deep dive today. Can you pls DM me your email so I can send in links that way. When I've sent photos DM/Substack they are unwieldy big! Thanks!!!!!
Hi Priya- I have found about 7-8 photos but would prefer to send to an email so as not all on my Substack — if that works for you, pls send me your email, Thank You! j
I can totally relate to loving the self-help isle. I also lived there quite a while when my life boomeranged at age 30. I was fortunate to be able to attend workshops over the years with some of my favored authors. Carl Jung, while certainly not a self-help peddler, nonetheless has incited much growth and appreciation of soulful needs and the imperative to understand why I attract the miserable situations that bring my shadow into the light. Still, the proper path is the middle way, owning my shadow and my light equally.
Richard, I’m curious about the authors whose workshops you may have attended. One thing about being in the self-help aisle is that you get to ‘know’ the popular ones. And, I agree with Jung (I would add Campbell here too) being really influential in shaping our thinking. Do you listen to This Jungian Life podcast? I found them about the time (2018-2019) I was wrestling with the importance of images and symbols, and really love so many of the ideas they share.
Pryia - I neglected to tell how much delight your writing brings to me.
Workshops, for me, are (were) the best way to tune into someone's true being. My favorite experience was a week-long meditation retreat with Ram Das, (Be Here Now) in the US Virgin Islands. I was at a spot in my life path where I felt radical change was necessary. I had an opportunity to discuss my situation with Ram Das one afternoon. He listened so intensely, like no one else I ever met. His consul - go back to all that I was doing in my life, with even more intention. I returned home, ready to continue my various works. A couple days after returning home, I broke my leg in a fall. The doctors wouldn't give a walking cast, so I was sidelined for nine weeks. I had ample time to let the message take root. It was a very healing time.
In some years following, I was fortunate to attend weekend workshops with Harville Hendrix (Getting the Love You Want); Wayne Dyer (Pulling Your Own Strings) and Joan Borysenko, (Fire in the Soul) and others, all half a lifetime ago, all deepening inner wisdom and igniting energy for growth.
I do not listen to This Jungian Life. Thank you for suggesting it, I will investigate when I can. James Hillman (The Soul's Code) really was one of my favorite writers in depth psychology.
Thank you, Richard! The meditation retreat with Ram Das sounds amazing. I’ve read some of Wayne Dyer’s books, but not the other two. I’ll look them up. And yes to James Hillman’s work!
Loved it, Priya! Especially that great quote. The Buddhists were onto something in so many ways. Your thoughts on the notion of control reminded me of some of my old posts (need to recycle :-)). In my thinking even having—and then acting on—the idea that "I can find answers if I choose to look" (vs. resigning to a state) is an exercise in agency. But "agency" ofc doesn't mean fooling ourselves that we're fully in control. Who can be? I think the Buddhists got that. Onwards we go...
Reena, I agree, it was an exercise an agency. I reached for it, but there is also the issue of what-came-before-the chicken-or-the egg. My experience has been you need hope to reach for agency and you can start to create hope by reaching for agency. Individual personality and experiences shape our responses. In my case, I felt helpless and yet there was some energy within me that wouldn’t let me stay passive any longer. One of the quotes that had influence on me was this one: “ “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”― C.G. Jung
Agree with all of that! I celebrate this, "there was some energy within me that wouldn’t let me stay passive any longer"—however and whenever it shows up.
PS> Jung was king. We live with triggers and shadows that need light to be seen.
There could be a self-care aisle as a sub-specialty of self-help. We show up as who we are, a whole person who matters, who is seen and heard. If someone has a problem or an issue with that, wants us to change to accommodate them, maybe a conversation about why or maybe not. We don't control others' reactions to us, nor would I want to, and they aren't what my kids called "the boss of me." I remember their sorting that out among themselves early on. I enjoyed a conversation this morning with two other substackers about taking care of ourselves, sometimes seen as "selfish" when it's more about self-respect and self-care.
That sounds like a great conversation! We show up as who we are - that’s magic right there, Gary! And, taking care of self allows us to show up in a more whole way for ourselves and for others. Thanks for reading!
Showing up, being available, authentic and fully present….that is both a gift and a blessing. We can do it for others and others do it for us. That is synchronicity at its finest.
For some, the self-help area can be looking for a destination. For others, it's a jumping off point.
When I was young, the self-help areas in bookshop/library were fascinating. A broad range of eclectic subjects all in one place. It felt like a place not of fixing something broken, but one of ensuring stable foundations could reach as far as possible to as many as possible. That resonates with your words on finding community, as well as not knowing what "how-to" you're seeking.
The generally immediate practicality of self-help books combines—for me, at least!—with the balance and depth of the Middle Way. A yin/yang pairing perhaps.
I like that, Martin! The immediacy vs the depth. At times I feel I’ve cracked the secret of the universe when I discover a central paradox. Thanks for reading!
sigh. I relate. I'm told sometimes that my whole identity has coalesced around the self help aisle. Appreciate your call to the middle path way and I'm reflecting a bit on what that might look like for me.
Uthara, thank you for reading. I can totally relate to that. We get to decide what’s best for us and in my reflection, it felt like I reached a point where further self improvement might actually be keeping me away from feeling enough. And, you know, there seems to be a paradox to life: do the thing, but know when to not do the thing. I appreciate your sharing!
Meditation is self help . Looking within. Healthy way, not just the middle ground where you cannot feel or see another trying to tell you your way is wrong. Your experiences teach more than any self help books. I am dealing with a person, alcoholic that refuses to see themselves and destroys their life and inflicts suffering on others. Selfish, they will be in the gutter as their answers are in the genie bottle that is drained and fills them with monsters that lie cowering in dusty aisles afraid of being.
Richard, you’re so right. Meditation (a whole other newsletter!) is a great way to help ourselves. I’m curious about the style you practice? Thanks for reading!
Self Realization Fellowship. Paramahansa Yogananda my guruji.
Love this. There is absolutely nothing wrong with living in the self help aisle. "Personal Growth and Development" should be life long. Our souls are here to learn and constantly improve. I always have 1 novel and 1 PGD book on my nightstand. I meditate in the morning and before I go to sleep I fill my mind, soul and heart with words from a PGD book. I'm unsure of what you mean by "middle path."
Carissa, thanks for reading! I agree personal growth and development ought to be a lifelong exercise. When I say the middle path I’m thinking of how the solution (self improvement or PGD) can itself become a problem if I’m always trying to fix myself so that I can become perfect. I was in that place for sometime where I followed one book after the other. Adding meditation and reflection, and feeling enough has helped. Thanks as always for the great conversation!
I guess it can become an unhealthy obsession.
Totally!
I relate in every way. The book that opened me to the middle way was Chodrin’s The Wisdom of No Escape. The title says it all!
Ha, yes, Kimberly, such a great title! I wrote this in an earlier comment but it was the case of the solution (self help books) creating a new problem (let me fix myself a little more today). Thanks, I appreciate you being here!
Ahhh, love how you put it. And so much of the origin behind all that I write over here, thus the name “Unfixed.” 🙏
Oh yes, the self help section or aisle. When we owned our bookstore, we had a very comfortable Self Help section—that's where 2 of our 3 chairs were placed. It was at the back of the store (I have a photo somewhere) and people hung out there. Our store sold used and new, so when we went 'shopping' for books at garage sales, friends of the library sales, estate sales, we'd always make sure to buy a healthy # of self help. It was actually a great section I'm pleased to say, covering a couple decades of what was popular both then and now. A real potpourri. I think it's a great addition to genres, b/c it has wide berth--stretching from everything from Eckhart Tolle to Abraham Maslow to Don Miguel Ruiz' Four Agreements and Gail Sheehy. And so much more. I think they're an important part of life as there's a little something for everyone in them, if you look hard enough. An interesting post, Priya!
Jeanine, I would love to see the photo! I want to write a cheesy book about bookstores and the romance around them! Thanks for sharing!
Not sure if I can find the self help section but I have others. Btw our store was FAR from cheesy. Both Paul and I are type A, we planned it for 3 years. I took class on opening a used book store at community college. We rented the space on town plaza square for 2, before we got there! And every single travel guide wrote us up as a must see. Plus we were largest Bi language bookstore from Mexico City to Guatemala!!!!!
Jeanine, I meant I wanted to write a cheesy book - full of the expected cliches of finding romance and love in a bookstore. Perhaps instead of cheesy I should say romcom!
Your bookstore sounds amazing and you’ve made me even more curious to see pictures!
Oh! That’d be fun! Bookstores are romantic and fun settings! Notting Hill, etc. I will send some photos though. The store was super cute. We sold and its still in business, since 1997!! ( sorry to misinterpret your idea)!!!!!
Not at all! And I’d love to see the pictures!
Oh great Priya. Mondays -especially mornings- are my busiest days and it seems everyone I subscribe to posts that day, so before I make a mad dash out the door, I try and read (and retain) as much from the newsletters as I can. I saw your comment and read while dashing down the stairs -- so mis read it - sorry! Anyway, I have grouped together some photos already and doing another deep dive today. Can you pls DM me your email so I can send in links that way. When I've sent photos DM/Substack they are unwieldy big! Thanks!!!!!
Hi Priya- I have found about 7-8 photos but would prefer to send to an email so as not all on my Substack — if that works for you, pls send me your email, Thank You! j
I sent it to you!
Great ! I’ll be home soon and will check!!
I can totally relate to loving the self-help isle. I also lived there quite a while when my life boomeranged at age 30. I was fortunate to be able to attend workshops over the years with some of my favored authors. Carl Jung, while certainly not a self-help peddler, nonetheless has incited much growth and appreciation of soulful needs and the imperative to understand why I attract the miserable situations that bring my shadow into the light. Still, the proper path is the middle way, owning my shadow and my light equally.
Richard, I’m curious about the authors whose workshops you may have attended. One thing about being in the self-help aisle is that you get to ‘know’ the popular ones. And, I agree with Jung (I would add Campbell here too) being really influential in shaping our thinking. Do you listen to This Jungian Life podcast? I found them about the time (2018-2019) I was wrestling with the importance of images and symbols, and really love so many of the ideas they share.
Pryia - I neglected to tell how much delight your writing brings to me.
Workshops, for me, are (were) the best way to tune into someone's true being. My favorite experience was a week-long meditation retreat with Ram Das, (Be Here Now) in the US Virgin Islands. I was at a spot in my life path where I felt radical change was necessary. I had an opportunity to discuss my situation with Ram Das one afternoon. He listened so intensely, like no one else I ever met. His consul - go back to all that I was doing in my life, with even more intention. I returned home, ready to continue my various works. A couple days after returning home, I broke my leg in a fall. The doctors wouldn't give a walking cast, so I was sidelined for nine weeks. I had ample time to let the message take root. It was a very healing time.
In some years following, I was fortunate to attend weekend workshops with Harville Hendrix (Getting the Love You Want); Wayne Dyer (Pulling Your Own Strings) and Joan Borysenko, (Fire in the Soul) and others, all half a lifetime ago, all deepening inner wisdom and igniting energy for growth.
I do not listen to This Jungian Life. Thank you for suggesting it, I will investigate when I can. James Hillman (The Soul's Code) really was one of my favorite writers in depth psychology.
Thank you, Richard! The meditation retreat with Ram Das sounds amazing. I’ve read some of Wayne Dyer’s books, but not the other two. I’ll look them up. And yes to James Hillman’s work!
Loved it, Priya! Especially that great quote. The Buddhists were onto something in so many ways. Your thoughts on the notion of control reminded me of some of my old posts (need to recycle :-)). In my thinking even having—and then acting on—the idea that "I can find answers if I choose to look" (vs. resigning to a state) is an exercise in agency. But "agency" ofc doesn't mean fooling ourselves that we're fully in control. Who can be? I think the Buddhists got that. Onwards we go...
Reena, I agree, it was an exercise an agency. I reached for it, but there is also the issue of what-came-before-the chicken-or-the egg. My experience has been you need hope to reach for agency and you can start to create hope by reaching for agency. Individual personality and experiences shape our responses. In my case, I felt helpless and yet there was some energy within me that wouldn’t let me stay passive any longer. One of the quotes that had influence on me was this one: “ “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”― C.G. Jung
Thanks, I love our conversations!
Agree with all of that! I celebrate this, "there was some energy within me that wouldn’t let me stay passive any longer"—however and whenever it shows up.
PS> Jung was king. We live with triggers and shadows that need light to be seen.
There could be a self-care aisle as a sub-specialty of self-help. We show up as who we are, a whole person who matters, who is seen and heard. If someone has a problem or an issue with that, wants us to change to accommodate them, maybe a conversation about why or maybe not. We don't control others' reactions to us, nor would I want to, and they aren't what my kids called "the boss of me." I remember their sorting that out among themselves early on. I enjoyed a conversation this morning with two other substackers about taking care of ourselves, sometimes seen as "selfish" when it's more about self-respect and self-care.
That sounds like a great conversation! We show up as who we are - that’s magic right there, Gary! And, taking care of self allows us to show up in a more whole way for ourselves and for others. Thanks for reading!
Showing up, being available, authentic and fully present….that is both a gift and a blessing. We can do it for others and others do it for us. That is synchronicity at its finest.
* meet a moment as its equal" "✨✨✨✨✨✨
Definitely magic in meeting a moment as enough-ness! Thanks, Roshni!
Loved the book The Vital Spark!!!
I love Lisa Marchiano’s work! Do you listen to the This Jungian Life podcast? I love it!
thanks, Dee!
I have not. If you recommend I’ll check it out.
Cannot recommend it enough!
I remember when I realised there was some sort of stigma or cringe factor to self-help books, I didn’t get it at first.
But after reading enough of them it seems, for me at least, that some of the things I was looking for had to be found within.
Thanks Priya :)
Michael, within meaning within you or within the books? Both?
Thanks for being part of this writing journey!
Within me, is what I meant to say. But I do think the books are useful too :)
For some, the self-help area can be looking for a destination. For others, it's a jumping off point.
When I was young, the self-help areas in bookshop/library were fascinating. A broad range of eclectic subjects all in one place. It felt like a place not of fixing something broken, but one of ensuring stable foundations could reach as far as possible to as many as possible. That resonates with your words on finding community, as well as not knowing what "how-to" you're seeking.
The generally immediate practicality of self-help books combines—for me, at least!—with the balance and depth of the Middle Way. A yin/yang pairing perhaps.
I like that, Martin! The immediacy vs the depth. At times I feel I’ve cracked the secret of the universe when I discover a central paradox. Thanks for reading!