Toolkit

Before you go anywhere

Dear, Reader.

It’s 7:03 AM and I am at my desk. A column of thick cream-gray light comes in from the window on my left and into the early morning darkness of the room. As usual, the two small metal birds on the windowsill have their backs to me, their gaze averted towards the blooming white oleander bush outside. Though I don’t face the window, I feel like I’m sitting in the stillness of a Vermeer painting. It’s quiet in the house. The only sounds I can hear are my shallow inhales and the occasional clink of crayons against the sides of the tin box. The air is thick with their oily wax smell. I carefully pick out the colors I want. Gray. Cadet blue. Cerulean. Indigo. Lavender. When I hesitate, ten pairs of eyes watch me from within the clutter of photo frames on my desk and I imagine I can feel our combined relief when I add Carnation Pink, Melon, and Prussian Green¹ to the pile I’ve already selected. I tie the crayons together with an old ribbon and place them alongside the three Gelly Roll pens (red, black, and blue), a new, large dot grid journal, a small pair of scissors, a glue stick, and a pack of Post It assorted flags. I put them all into a large colorfully-embroidered cloth pouch, zip it up, and feel an immediate sense of relief. Because the cloth pouch and its contents are both life jacket and superhero suit, and a log cabin hidden between tall trees.

“Mary Daly, a theologian, writes, “Courage is like—it’s a habitus, a habit, a virtue: You get it by courageous acts. It’s like you learn to swim by swimming. You learn courage by couraging.” ―Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

Reader, what do you take with you when you go on a journey? Obviously, there are many big life changes for which nothing can prepare us or offer sufficient comfort. But in situations where you know you are navigating a difficult change and can prepare for it, what physical objects would your toolkit contain? Would they work as talisman and security blanket? What sparks a moment of joy right in the middle of change? Because I can become anxious, I’ve learned to ask myself what can make the change/journey even a little better and to make preparing for it a required wellness habit. When I was younger, I used to take a couple of novels everywhere with me. Once I had the books in my bag, I felt somewhat more prepared. But, strangely, as I’ve gotten older, and in spite of smartphones, tablets, and other digital devices capable of creating entire worlds to escape into, I’ve started taking old-school hands-on stuff: crayons, color pens and pencils, a notebook to write in, one that can also double as a scrapbook, scissors, tape, etc. I think these work to both physically anchor me in the present and create some kind of necessary safe space that I can inhabit even if it’s only for short bursts of time.

How about you?

Best,

Priya

1. This one isn’t a Crayola color.

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